Purpose of My Life
by TheWammy'sHouseReject
Summary: I give him what he wants, he gives me what I need- that is to say, a sense of purpose in my miserable life. OroKabu lemon in pretty much every chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is mostly gonna look into the twisted relationship between Orochimaru and Kabuto. Enjoy!**

_I froze, unable to bring my body to move. The dark foreboding man, barely human, had me caught in its long, deadly tail. He looked at me with an air of contempt as I struggled against him with all my might._

"_Yes…" he muttered, as if to himself. "You've got plenty of fight in you. I can use you."_

_My mind became a hazy blur before becoming consumed by complete and utter darkness which pulled me in deeper…deeper…_

_Then, suddenly…I hear a voice, coaxing me from my slumber._

"_Come on, boy…wake up. Dispel the genjutsu from your mind."_

_There is a sharp pain in my shoulder. I shout and thrash around, caught in between an all-consuming darkness and a blinding light._

"_Don't struggle so much," the voice said, gentle yet commanding. "I'm trying to help you."_

_I feel a cool hand rest against my forehead. The voice muttered words I didn't understand, and I momentarily slipped back into the abyss before being pulled fully into reality once again._

_I was standing in the middle of a dense forest, kunai lodged firmly in my shoulder, panting and shaking like I had just been underwater, and this person saved me moments before I had drowned. I looked around, frightened and unsure of where I was._

"_There. Feel better?"_

_I turned my head around to get a better view of my savior. He was tall and pale, with two thick curtains of shiny black hair. His bright, golden eyes looked at me with a combination of vague amusement and pity. It hit me- this man was Orochimaru, one of the legendary Sannin and a notorious missing-nin. And he had just saved me._

"_Do you have a name, boy? Or are you just another one of Sasori's little puppets?"_

_I was still gasping, struggling to find my voice, my knees weak and my mind fuzzy._

"_K…Kabuto. Yakushi…Kabuto," I managed to say, before I collapsed into his arms._

It had been over a month since then, and one question still plagued my mind. It lay there dormant, ready to gnaw at me whenever I allowed my thoughts to wander. Still, I didn't have the nerve to confront him about it, for fear of what the answer might be.

One day, however, I finally gathered my nerves and asked the question that had been haunting my every waking moment.

"Orochimaru-sama?" I began nervously. He turned around, smirking at me.

"What do you need, Kabuto-kun?"

I shivered- his voice never failed to send a chill running through my body.

"…Why?"

"Why what?"

"…Why did you save me?" I asked. "It would have been so much easier just to kill me, wouldn't it?"

"Ah, Kabuto-kun, what would be the fun in that?"

Orochimaru came up to me and pinned me against a wall. I watched him warily, as one might watch a serpent when one has fallen into its nest.

"I…I don't understand."

Orochimaru's gold eyes shone with unspoken laughter.

"You don't?"

with those words, he kissed me, forcing his tongue past my lips and exploring every corner of my mouth. I tried to push away, but he was too strong for me, and he either didn't notice my struggles or chose to ignore them.

He trailed his hands expertly up and down my body, sending shivers through me. it felt so good, and in no time at all I found myself kissing him back.

He pulled away, leaving me flushed and breathless. He chuckled.

"You're so cute, Kabuto-kun."

I blushed deeper. I had not been considered good looking growing up, so having the term 'cute' applied to me was a totally new experience.

Orochimaru swept me off my feet and carried me into his room. He pulled off my headband and tied my hands to the headboard before using a kunai to cut my clothing off. I began to writhe. This wasn't right. I shouldn't be doing this. Surely, my stepfather would beat me again if he ever found out…still, if I had to lose my innocence to anybody; Orochimaru wasn't a bad person to give it to.

He pulled my glasses off my face and slipped my hair free of its ponytail. I watched him as he removed his own clothing. I took in his body, every scar telling the story of a battle he had won- a trial he had survived.

He trailed kisses down my bare form, and I let out a moan.

"You like this?" Orochimaru chuckled. I nodded. My heart was pounding in my chest, threatening to fly out at the slightest provocation.

He once again covered my mouth with his own as he thrust himself into me, effectively muffling my scream. He hadn't bothered with preparation or lubricant of any kind. It felt like I was being torn in half.

"Nngh," Orochimaru groaned, "You're so tight, Kabuto-kun. Don't tell me this is your first time."

Through the pain, I nodded, and he laughed at me before thrusting in and out of me at a rapid pace, not giving me time to adjust.

He hit a spot inside me, which made little stars appear in front of my vision. It's impossible to describe the pleasure I felt at that moment.

Somewhere during that time, the line separating pain and pleasure became indistinct. They meshed and became one, each giving me the fullness of their intensity.

"O-Orochimaru-sama!"

My loudest scream of the night was when I came. Gods, it all felt so good.

I moaned when Orochimaru came, stinging my torn insides.

He pulled out and stroked my hair, wiping away my tears.

"Good boy."

Those were the last words I heard before sleep claimed me.

**A/N reviews are welcome.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N So, I've been up since three in the morning and what else is there to do at three in the morning besides watch anime and write smutty fanfic? Anyway, I tried my best to keep Orochimaru in character, because most people write him as just a total pervert. Not saying that he isn't a pervert (A SEXY pervert), but he's not as big of a pervert as most fanfic writers make him out to be. Anyway, enjoy!**

When I woke up, Orochimaru was still beside me, arms wrapped around me in a loose, careless grip, lost in that land of dreams when anything at all could happen. What was he dreaming about? What I in his dreams? There was a sharp pain in my lower back, but I really didn't mind.

I slipped from Orochimaru's grasp and fumbled around for my glasses.

I needed a shower.

XxXx

It took me awhile, but I found a shower. I stripped out of my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror for a long time, trying to figure out what made me so damn attractive to Orochimaru. My hair was prematurely gray, scruffy and relatively unacquainted with a hairbrush. I was a nerd- I had been told that several times. People ridiculed me constantly, girls and boys alike. The only one who had ever even attempted to stand up for me was Itachi, and even then, his attempts usually ended up with him getting hurt as well. For the supposed Uchiha clan prodigy, he sure wasn't good at standing up for himself.

But at least he was good looking.

Damn! What was so fricking attractive about me? What did Orochimaru see that he liked?

I got in the shower and turned on the warm water, trying to get rid of the ache in my backside. I healed all the bruises, cuts and bite marks from last night, debating with myself whether or not I should also heal…down there…no. Under _no _circumstances was I putting my fingers up my own ass.

I heard a soft _click _before cold fingers worked their was through my hair. I yelped and jumped about a mile.

"O-Orochimaru-sama!"

He had something on his fingers, some sort of liquid, and it took me all of five seconds to figure out that it was just shampoo.

Orochimaru chuckled.

"Did I scare you, Kabuto-kun?"

I nodded, my heart still pounding in my throat.

"I'm sorry, I needed a shower, and you looked like you could use some company."

He worked the shampoo into a lather, rubbing the pads of his fingers along my scalp in such a way that I moaned. I was surprised that he could be this gentle after what he had shown me he was capable of last night. This touch was soft and sensual, and I closed my eyes to drink it all in.

He rinsed my hair off and pulled me into a kiss, again, much more gentle than I could ever have imagined.

Then he got rough. He flipped me around to face the shower wall, my arms supporting my weight (if only barely) as he forced his was inside me again.

I was already sore from last night; this was almost unbearable. Scream after inhuman scream tore from my throat, wanting it all to stop and yet wanting more. Oh, so, so much more.

I cummed without him even having to touch me, from the sheer high of the pain he gave me (don't look at me like that-I suppose I'm just a masochist). I screamed my master's name loud enough so that the angels of Heaven could hear my cries, my dirty pleasure in this raw, dirty sex.

I call it sex, and not making love, for this reason: I knew from the start, a part of me always knew, that Orochimaru didn't love me. Lust, pure and simple. That was all that ever existed between us. But that was just fine. I gave him what he wanted, and he gave me what I needed, which is to say a sense of purpose in my pathetic, worthless life.

When he had also exhausted himself, my knees gave way, and I fell to the floor, feeling the cold, wet tile against my cheek as the water washed the blood and cum away.

Orochimaru fell down beside me, panting heavily, running his hand up and down the length of my back.

"You'd…make one hell of a man whore, you know that?" he asked me, as playfully as he could while hardly being able to breath properly.

I was silent, slowly coming down from my post-orgasmic high.

"You're pretty good in bed, Kabuto," Orochimaru told me. "It's hard to believe you've never gotten any before. But there'll be more, I promise you that."

XxXx

"Orochimaru-sama?" I asked later.

"Hmm?"

"My family…they'll probably wonder where I am…do you think…not that I don't enjoy being here, but…"

Orochimaru pressed a finger to my lips.

"I understand. They'll wonder where their little Kabuto-kun has run off to. But don't you think they'll also wonder what you've been doing?"

"I-"

"Not to worry. I have a good idea. But you're going to have to trust me…"

The next couple of hours passed by in a blur of agony. I don't know how long it took until I blacked out, but it wasn't long enough.

The first thing I saw when I woke up were my stepparent's worried faces looking down at me.

A/N Reviews make me update faster XD 


	3. Chapter 3

"Kabuto, are you okay sweetheart?" my stepmother asked.

Sweetheart. Something was _definitely _wrong here.

I tried to move, and cried out in pain.

"Are you alright, son?" my stepfather asked.

Okay, now I _knew _something was wrong. My stepfather _never _called me 'son' unless something was wrong or he wanted something out of me.

"What happened, father?" I asked.

"We were hoping that _you _could tell us that, Kabuto. Where have you been? We've been worried sick about you!"

Typical stepfather. He never passed up an opportunity to yell at someone, even if they were badly injured. Now, don't get me wrong- he was a great medical ninja- just not the best father.

My head throbbed violently. Damn, why couldn't he have just said, _"Hey, kiddo, good to see that you're alive!"_?

My memories gone. I couldn't remember anything from the past couple of months. Try as I might, my mind always drew a blank.

"…I don't know what happened," I said, and, at the time, I was being completely honest. My stepfather growled in frustration, while my stepmother fussed over me excessively.

"Oh, my poor baby," she said in that baby-talk voice that never failed to make me nauseous.

"Kabuto, are you _sure _you don't remember _anything?" _

"…Yeah," I replied. "I remember leaving to gather herbs like you told me to, then the next thing I know…I'm here."

"Kabuto-"

"Honey, let's just leave him alone for now," My stepmother pleaded. "Let him rest for a bit, and maybe he'll remember."

Thank God for mothers.

**A/N sorry it's been so long! Please review :D**


	4. Chapter 4

I somehow managed to get back to life as usual after I was released from the hospital. I received a few mumbled "hello" s, and a couple of hastily written 'get well soon' cards from my fellow shinobi. I enjoyed these small tokens of acknowledgement- I've always been a whore for whatever kind of attention I could get- but I knew there was no real thought behind them. Not a single one of them genuinely cared for my welfare.

I could finally start to focus on the chuunin exams, which were coming up soon. I kind of expected to fail, but that didn't mean that I wouldn't give it my all. I've never been one to slack off.

Oh, if I knew the memories that had been suppressed! If I only knew the things that I had done, I doubt that I would have been able to focus on the chuunin exams at all.

But I digress. I prepared for the exams with my genin team as usual. And to me, it all seemed like just another day.


	5. Chapter 5

It wasn't until a few weeks later that Orochimaru came back to claim me.

I was walking through those same woods again. Owls hooted and flew around in the darkness. Stars glittered overhead between the gaps in the trees, and I felt content. I was completely at peace in this quiet little corner of the forest. I took a deep breath, closing my eyes, on the brink of falling asleep.

"It's been a while, Kabuto-kun."

I looked up. Orochimaru was smirking at me. I didn't recognize him.

"Who are you?" I asked.

Orochimaru knelt down and kissed me. Just like that, my memories came flooding back, right up to the painful ritual that he had used to suppress my memory.

"Orochimaru-sama?"

His smirk widened.

"Do you remember me now?"

I nodded.

"But, master…how did you-?"

"Shhh." He pressed a finger to my lips. "I set the jutsu to deactivate once I kissed you. That ensured that I, and I alone, could have you."

Orochimaru kissed me again, snaking that long tongue inside my mouth, his hands exploring my body.

Before I even registered what was going on, I was out of my clothes and underneath Orochimaru, who forced himself into me without a thought for anything other than his own pleasure. I screamed as I writhed under him, crying out as he brought himself to a climax.

We lay on the forest floor for a few minutes after that, sweat covering our bodies.

I rolled onto my side to get a better look at him. At this man, this _god…_at his long, silken black hair, ivory skin, and piercing gold eyes... the strong jaw line and muscled chest…such a bizarre mixture of both the masculine and the feminine. It intrigued me, this stunning androgyny, which was similar to the manner in which angels were portrayed in Christian artwork.

So, was he an angel?

Or was he a devil?

Both?

"Master, what now?" I asked.

"Don't worry about that, Kabuto darling."

His speech was slurred, almost as if he was drunk.

"Everything will work out in our favor- don't you worry."

**Reviews are nice :D**


	6. Chapter 6

Okay, things get a little steamy/graphic here. Just thought I should warn anyone who doesn't like blood play/bondage. Kabuto's thoughts will be displayed in parentheses, and are sort of a comedic break from the story.

Sleep seemed to elude me that night. I tossed and turned around in a vain attempt to put my mind to rest.

Moonlight streamed in through the window, illuminating everything in a pale, creamy glow. I stared at it for what might have been hours. Then again, I wasn't keeping track of time. I really wished I could go to sleep. I was sick and tired (Ha, ha, tired) of spending half the night awake, my mind wandering, jumping at every little sound.

I heard a dark chuckle, and let out a yelp.

"Trouble sleeping, darling?" Orochimaru asked, emerging from the open door in my closet (hilarious, coming out of the closet. It _still _makes me laugh) and sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Um…yeah," I said, sitting up. How long had he been watching me?

…And what the _hell _was he doing in my _bedroom?_

"What's bothering you?" Orochimaru asked, something between concern and amusement in his voice, though much more amusement than concern (What the _hell _was he doing in my _closet?)_

"Um…I don't know, really. I just…"

"World got you down, Kabuto?"

I gave a little nod.

"Pretty much. Ever since I got back here, people have looked at me different."

My hands curled into fists, gripping handfuls of blanket in a vice.

"They've always called me weak. I've always been the last one picked. But, lately…they've just seen me as pathetic. They treat me like I'm worthless, like I have no skill of my own…like I'm just some liability."

I was speaking fast, my voice cracking. Against all reason and logic, I began to cry.

Orochimaru took me into his arms, stroking my hair gently.

"Now, now. It's all right. You're already a better man than any of those fools could ever hope to be."

"What?"

"If you want the truth, I was always mocked as a child. They scorned me for what they perceived to be weakness in me."

Orochimaru said this as if he were merely discussing the weather, though his eyebrows knit together in anger at the memory.

"What happened to them?" I asked.

"Well, I killed them all," Orochimaru said simply. "They surely saw who the weak one was then, didn't they, Kabuto?"

"Uh, yes, Orochimaru-sama."

Why did this turn me on? I have no idea. Or maybe it was my inner masochist coming back to haunt me.

Either way, I had a raging hard on now, and Orochimaru seemed to notice.

He grabbed my shoulders and kissed me, forcing his tongue into my mouth without any warning. My cheeks burned, and I knew my blush had gotten worse.

That sense of innate, childlike security gave way to the primal sensation of lust.

I was only wearing boxers, so it wasn't all that hard (Me and my innuendos. I apologize) to get me undressed. He laid me (I've _got _to stop the double entendres already) down on the bed. There was the creaking of bedsprings as he stood up, rummaging in my drawers for something.

"O-Orochimaru-sama?"

"Ah, it seems like I've found it."

I began to get nervous. What was he trying to do?

I turned my head to see what he had. He'd pulled a knife and my headband out of the top drawer. He got back on the bed and tied my wrists to the headboard, licking the blade of the knife, which glinted lazily in the moonlight.

"Ah, but, O-Orochimaru-sama! My parents, they'll-"

"I suggest that you try your best to keep it quiet," Orochimaru purred, "If you don't want us to get caught."

He ran the knife across my chest. I choked back my scream, opting instead to moan loudly.

Orochimaru bent forward and licked away the blood that poured from the wound, his right hand continuing to trail the knife blade down the sensitive skin on my side.

A strange combination of arousal and pain coursed through me. I wanted it to stop, but at the same time, I didn't want it to ever end (Maaaaasochism).

He used me as if I was a blank canvas, and he, he was my artist. His knife was his brush. My blood was his paint. He marred my skin, taking something plain and unremarkable (me) and, by doing so, made it into a masterpiece. When we were together, I became something beautiful. I relished every mark he made upon me, every drop of blood he spilled. I groaned and whimpered, shivering in delight as the blade penetrated me again and again (_again _with the gay subtext. I suppose I should apologize.)

He kissed me again. My blood was on his lips. His tongue. Coppery and bitter. And yet, when Orochimaru gave it to me (I'm sorry, couldn't help it), however bad the taste may be, I enjoyed it.

After what seemed to be an eternity, Orochimaru licked the knife clean and set it aside. At some point between when we started this game and now, he had removed his clothing (don't ask me how.)

"Are you ready. Kabuto darling?" he asked, smirking.

His pale face looked almost ghostlike in the dim moonlight, thick curtains of black hair framing his face. I stared for a while in simple aw, before mumbling my consent.

Pain returned, though this time it was the kind of pain that burned from the inside, and gave you no peace. My moaning increased, but this time, he joined in as well, as we said each other's names God only knows how many times.

Then, I fell through that abyss, biting back the cry that signaled my climax. Orochimaru buried his face in my hair…trembling?

I don't remember when he pulled out of me, but next thing I knew he had me in his arms again.

And, after that, I was able to fall asleep without any trouble at all.

**Wow…I took something really creepy and made it into something…romantic…weird.**

**Anyway, please review, and have a nice day ^.^**


	7. Chapter 7

I got Kabuto's musing about innocence from a conversation I had with Lady Averitia. Enjoy :) And please forgive the shitty recreation of the Konoha crest X3

**O-**

I woke up the next morning with the distinct impression that something was wrong. I sat up, noticing immediately that Orochimaru was no longer there. My pajamas had somehow magically appeared on me over the course of the night.

I swung my legs over the edge of my bed, and promptly slipped on a trail of fresh human blood.

Needless to say, I was more than a little shocked. I ran down the hall into the kitchen, where I was greeted by the mutilate bodies of my stepparents. So, I did what any reasonable thirteen-year-old boy would do.

I screamed my motherfucking _head _off.

I felt a cold hand clamp around my mouth.

"Calm down, Kabuto," Orochimaru ordered, his voice low and sultry in my ear. But I didn't listen to him- I continued to scream and thrash in his strong grip, though his hand muffled my voice considerably.

"Calm down," he repeated, this time a dangerous, commanding tone. I immediately fell silent.

"Good boy," he murmured, removing his hand from my mouth.

"…Why?" I asked, tears rapidly filling my eyes.

"Now, now, what's with the tears?" Orochimaru asked, wiping them away. "They weren't even your true family. So why is it that you mourn them?"

I shuddered.

They'd raised me since I was young. They'd taken care of me. My stepfather had trained me. Everything I knew, I owed to him. It hadn't been much, but it was my life, and I had been content with it.

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that Orochimaru would turn my whole world upside down.

"…They're…really dead?"

Orochimaru gave me a gentle kiss to silence me.

"Are you angry at me, Kabuto?" he asked, his voice almost sounding hurt.

"No!" I said, a little too quickly. "Orochimaru-sama, I'm not-"

Another kiss, this one more brutal, more dominating. He forced me against the nearest wall, pulling my pajama pants down and off.

He fucked me roughly against the wall, right next to my parents' corpses. Despite everything, despite what I had just seen, what I _knew _that he had done, I ended up screaming in pleasure, begging for more.

"Ah! O-Orochimaru-sama! Harder! Nngh, please, harder!"

I was in heaven. The feel of him inside of me, stretching me, tearing me, was the sweetest addiction.

He was my drug. And I knew that, someday, he would kill me. He'd make me hurt and break my bones. This man would kill me one day.

But oh, what sweet destruction.

Was it sick, I wonder, that I felt that way at the tender age of thirteen? That I had been corrupted so completely, at so young an age?

Later, when I wondered how Kimimaro could be so slavishly devoted to Orochimaru so soon after meeting him, I remembered that I was little different. Orochimaru had that effect on people. He could take someone who was alone, someone who was hurting, and take them under his wing. This made them feel loved. They would do anything for him, anything at all.

And I would, too.

Innocence is a funny thing. It is considered good, pure, and wonderful. And yet, that selfsame innocence was what made people so easy for Orochimaru to manipulate. It was what made it so easy for him to manipulate _me. _

I groaned, trembling as my orgasm tore through me. Orochimaru smirked. He was kind of like Sasori, in a way. He manipulated me like I was just some puppet. Like a toy, a plaything. The difference was, with Orochimaru, I was willingly letting him pull my strings.

Orochimaru's cum filled me, hot and sticky and feeling so good.

I slipped out of consciousness again, unwillingly. I heard Orochimaru muttering something. I strained my ears to hear him. His words came to me as if from a great distance.

"…You are mine. Remember that."

**O-**


	8. Chapter 8

Yay! This time I published the RIGHT chapter :D

* * *

If I could pick one event that made me angrier than any of the others, it would have to be when Orochimaru brought home Kimimaro.

After the incident with my parents, I'd been spending less and less time at Konoha, and more time at Orochimaru's various hideouts. No one in the village really noticed my absence- they just chalked it up to becoming a shut-in once my parents died. The bases were quiet in those days- before the Sound Four were ever introduced to each other. They were just children- younger than I was. Sakon and Ukon, for as loudmouthed as they'd become later, were skittish, shy children who hardly ever talked. Kidomaru was as curious as ever, and had to be watched at all times, much like an unruly dog. And Tayuya- well, I counted it as progress when she could stop shaking in fear for long enough to talk to Orochimaru. So pathetic. So pitiful. (So unlike the cold, hardened group of bastards they'd become later.)

I was in Heaven here. The labs were Heaven- I could get lost for hours in experiments, toying with things that people only dreamed of toying with- I was almost Godlike.

I found myself pulled from my work when I heard footsteps down the hallway, and calm, almost soothing voice.

"There, now, Kimimaro. Just hang on a little longer."

A child's whimpering. Someone injured? Orochimaru wasn't usually this gentle.

I ran out of the lab to meet him, stopping in front of him, bowing low as I caught my breath. I think that's when I first saw him.

Pale, milk skin and long white hair. Absolutely covered in dirt and detritus. Writhing, half-conscious, in my master's arms.

"Kabuto-kun, this poor child seems to have fallen ill. Would you mind helping him?"

Rage, white hot, clawed its way up my throat like a fireball. I swallowed it down and nodded, leading the way to the infirmary.

The boy wasn't seriously injured- cuts and scratches, accompanied by a high fever, was all. I had him cleaned and healed up in a couple minutes, then found myself kicked out of the room by a very cold Orochimaru.

I glared at the door as it shut behind me, leaving me alone in the hallway.

How _dare _he? How dare than brat come in here and try to take what's mine?

(Looking back, I see that was rather irrational of me. He was just a boy, and besides, he didn't know me. He couldn't wrong me. But I digress- I was only a teenager, after all.)

"K-Kabuto-san…I can't find Sakon anywhere. Have you seen him?"

I glared down at Ukon. I must have been in a particularly foul mood, because he was so frightened he stammered an "I-I'm sorry!" before running off.

(If only he could have _stayed _that way.)


	9. Chapter 9

_**Yeah...timeskip! :D**_

_**This takes place a bit before the Chuunin exams. So yeah :3**_

~oOo~

I learned, when I was young, that flowers can wither if they aren't properly cared for. What I didn't know, however, was that no matter how well you take care of it, no matter if you give it plenty of sunlight and water, it may still grow ill, colors fading and petals drooping. But I learned-even the best-kept flowers can die, some much sooner than others.

Kimimaro…

I tried my best, for Orochimaru's sake. I spent long nights searching, reading medical books and going over what I already knew. I tried every medical jutsu I knew, every medicine. Despite my best efforts, however, I was helpless to do anything but watch as Kimimaro's health continued to deteriorate. My efforts only seemed to delay the inevitable conclusion.

It would have fascinated me, if it hadn't been so frustrating. The way it started in his bone, waiting, growing, spreading. It consumed him until his cancer left nothing untouched. Like a raging wildfire, it devoured him. (Again, fascinating, if it didn't annoy the living hell out of me.)

He hid his illness well, I have to admit- it takes a lot for me to not notice something. I just wish he hadn't- if he had told me, I just might have been able to stop it, to save him. By then, it had already consumed an entire lung and was working on the other, growing all the way down his heart, and it just kept spreading.

Now, to be quite honest, Kimimaro didn't even have a snowball's chance in Hell.

He was going to die. And that frustrated me to no end.

You see, as a medical ninja, I always held it as a point of pride that I could heal people. I could stop death right in its tracks and bring a person back from an early grave. It infuriated me that Kimimaro was the exception. As much as I disliked him (for being Orochimaru's favorite), I wanted to save him. If only to prove that I could.

But I COULDN'T.

(Sorry. I keep dwelling on the obvious, don't I?)

I slammed my book shut and set it aside, slamming it down more roughly than I had to.

Lord Orochimaru would forgive me for this failure. He could find a new vessel, a new body. But could I forgive myself for letting him down so badly? Could I let go of my greatest failure?

No. I was (and, in many ways, I still am) far too stubborn for that.

Kimimaro is asleep. I've finally succeeded in finding a painkiller that actually works for him. He looks so washed out, pale, hollow. His breath was horrible and raspy- the tumor made it nearly impossible for him to breathe. But I've got rid of his pain. And that is good enough for now.


End file.
